This poor kid. His parents never gave him the proper love. They have an affinity for him, a fascination perhaps, but no love. They're lives would not be affected if he were gone. Only in the way of freedom, which they could live freely outside of this house if he didn't exist. But he does. 

      I don't think I've ever heard the baby wake up ever, with them so glad he was. When he cries, they leave him there like that. They sigh, they loathe that he breathes. They have such a neutral attitude towards him that they neglect him in that way. They fight constantly over something so simple. He is a cute baby. I can't quite wrap my head around my own life to even fathom a child, but I know if I were in their position I would not be nearly as agitated. They dislike their own child, deep down. They have never truly loved that baby. They fight constantly.

             They go to bed at 1, 2, 3 am, with the baby, and wonder why he's up and down all day. He has no schedule. They care little for any type of napping/sleeping schedule to structure his, and their lives around. There is NO structure. I live in a hell hole. Not in the physical sense, in the mental and emotional sense. I want to leave. The only thing keeping me here is my room full of crap. When nobody bothers me, it's fine. I can do as I please. But if and when things explode, which they have recently, then I cannot bear to pack a bag and go. I need a bit more time. I need an hour. I don't care about the bed, but all my clothes are here, so that'll take some time. But I can't simply leave on a whim you see. 

              They take turns handing the baby off. Dumping him on each other like it's some uninvited tumor/hot potato they constantly need to be passing along. It's sad. My stepdad and mother are the only ones who regularly show him any affection and true love. But they too are fucked. This whole place is fucked. My mom is fucked, my fuck up of a stepbrother is angry at his life and LMS short tempered self is fucked, his invalid, sociopathic, dead-inside girlfriend is fucked and embarrassingly so. Like what kind of mother are you? You have it made! You work a part time job, you stay up all night, you don't pay rent, you don't pay for bills, your sole job in life is to watch a baby, feed him, change him occasionally, and making sure he doesn't hang or electrocute himself. THAT is her one true purpose in life. She can't handle it.

        "It's just so hard." Then if it's hard, you should've given that baby up long ago. But instead they use it as leverage to stay here. Imagine that? They USE their child as a tool. Nothing more. Nothing more. Everyone pities them because of the baby, and they help, until they fuck someone over of course. But if it weren't for the baby, they'd both be living in their car as they were before. Because they've fucked over everyone else multiple times. His dad and my mother are only the biggest suckers. I wish they were gone. Not only gone, but I wish the baby is taken away and they were dead. Yes. Dead. Gone from the planet. They are scum. 

                Perhaps only truly the girlfriend. Because at least I can see where my stepbrother went wrong. His life has a trajectory and dots and lines I can easily connect that lead him to where he is now. Her? She's a waste of flesh, air and space. She calls herself a mother. She uses and manipulates worse than he could ever fathom, and uses her womanhood innocence in addition to it all. She cries on cue, she screams incessantly, she puts on her facade when she needs to lie, you name it. Fucking cruel bitch allows drugs and all sorts of unforgivables near her child. What a fucking disgraceful human being. I don't have the energy to describe what happened last week. Perhaps another time.