How does one split their time? I’m all over the place. I want to do so many things to their fullest extent, but in trying to do so, I half-finish all of them, or worse they all end up half baked. I want to podcast on a particular subject. I want to shoot film and become proficient at film photography and motion picture etc. I want to write more, I want to become a session musician, I want to be in several groups, I want to play out in the area, I want to become a more proficient guitarist, I want to buy more gear regarding ALL of this. I want to read more. I want to go back to school and I want to be able to focus more. How does one focus? Perhaps I’ve got some attention deficient, I believe I might.

I can’t focus on something for very long without checking my phone, buying something online, remembering something, forgetting 3 things I’m supposed to be doing, wanting to listen to an informative podcast while I do said thing, reading an article, think about another podcast I discover, watching a video tutorial, going back to the original podcast, writing, thinking about a song I want to learn or listen to, shopping for my next piece of gear. I can’t focus on one god damned thing in order to be proficient at anything. This is what’s happening right now. How does one become good at anything if they want to do more than one thing! To top it off I’m not much of a boyfriend while I’m spending my time trying to do these things. So that in itself is a worrying prospect. What’s it all matter if I’m being terrible to someone? So there’s that.

I’ve been trying to be more ‘mindful’ lately, but it’s only interrupting my current side-track and quickly fades. For instance, I’m writing about this right now, when 1. I should be working. 2. I should be listening to a podcast that’s currently playing in my phones but I’m not paying attention because I’m writing. So I’m a walking contradiction. Sitting, in this case. I’m also not passionate about what I do for a paycheck, but it’s cushy and it’s a paycheck. So that hinders quite a bit.

There’s so much I want to do and by the time I get home, to yet again stare at a screen after I’ve been doing so for 8 hours, I try to focus on my personal excursions and goals, and time flies. There never seems to be enough time at night. Before I know it, it’s 9 p.m. and I hate my job even more as it’s getting in the way of my passions. Five hours at night isn’t near enough time to get anything productive done. I’m playing records, drinking, troubleshooting something, cleaning and by the time I’ve gotten anything done it’s the end of the night and I have to do it all over again.

What’s a person to do?