So, where’s this going? I’m not quite sure. There’s been a lot of failure lately.

I’m really trying to figure out where my life’s going nowadays because I’m no longer sure. Leading up to last year, I was using the survival excuse. I was in a place where eating and sleeping and housing myself and making money weren’t a sure thing. So my excuse was that I was busy running and surviving for four or five years. Now I have no excuse. I’m not entirely sure what the reasons are now. I’ve spread out too much and not enough all at the same time.

I’m trying to create a film scanning workflow and I’ve spent far too long on it and slowly realizing I’m wasting all my nights trying and trying. I took a chance on a purchase of several untested scanners. After weeks of trying night after night, I gave in and bought one that should’ve worked. It has up until last night where I think this scanner has failed. I’ve spent so much time trying, trial and error and failing and failing. What a waste. I was just about to perfect the process last night when I discovered and believe the scanner has failed. Something’s wrong internally.

Perhaps it’s trite or silly to sulk about. But I feel like the things I’m passionate about I just fail and fail and look at the clock and my night is gone and it’s time to sleep. I’ve wasted my entire night getting nowhere. Is it even worth it? I’ve now made two useless purchases. Instances like this are rampant through my life. I’m not sure anymore of anything. I’m positive I’ve even made the same exact post over and over. But I have no willingness to go back and read them right now to realize I’m a broken record. Yuck.

But! I’m still here, I have a roof over my head, food to eat and I’m still waking up. Things’ll change.