Where am I going? What am I doing? I don’t know! It’s exciting.

At least that’s what I’m telling myself. I’m taking a brief brake from shooting film. I was on a trip to Niagra and Buffalo and took a lot of shots! I have to get them developed. I’ve been laying low for the past two weeks since I’ve been back though. I have a few un-shot rolls I haven’t had a hankering to shoot yet. Also I now have a few expired reels of 16mm and a NEW roll of super 8 I need to shoot. I finished my second, but waiting to ship until I get my first roll back from processing to see it! I’m excited. It’s gotta be here soon, it’s been over a month now, which 4-6 weeks I believe was the turnaround time, which is disappointing. Over a month is too long to be waiting, gotta figure out how to get that done quicker. I might turn the basement area into a partial darkroom, I don’t know.

I think there’s some natural gas leakage in the basement. But the heat hasn’t been on since it’s been cold and I’ve been smelling it. A neighbor perhaps? One of them is an ugly couple with a baby they seem to abuse. Not really, but the husband just yells at her, it’s awful. The other neighbor is an older lady with Parkinson’s who definitely had termites a few months ago (because she hired someone) and it could very well be her. She could have a crazy gas leak and blow the whole line of townhouses sky high some night for all we know. Jesus. I need a gas sensor, or meter or whatever. Is that what it’s called? Like a Geiger counter for natural gas. They sell them. A detector! I just looked it up. Who knows, maybe I’m crazy. But it smells funky.

I applied for a new job. Same place, same floor, (preferably) and it’s a decent raise. I had the interview Tuesday. I hope I get it. If not, I’ll continue on here, fucking off. I don’t care anymore. It’s thankless. Things are happening here. It’s falling apart. It always crumbled at the seams but now our boss has abruptly announced his two weeks and he was the guy who held it together, so now what? If you don’t enjoy your job, and the people you work with who make it all worth while, leave, what then? What’s the point? There isn’t. But I love the benefits and cushiness of working here. So I’ll keep doing it. I haven’t told my current boss yet, there’s a chance I don’t get it. So who really knows.

But what am I doing? Every night seems like a blur. Every week seems like it starts at Thursday morning. Where the hell did the previous few nights go? Where’d they go? So many plans and so little time doing absolutely nothing and everything at the same time. I want to buy a new drum kit and have my own space. I want more recording gear. I want to make a record, I want to fix my car. I want to build my guitar rig, I want to go up the Cog railway. I want to read more, I want to buy more clothes. I want to make money writing. I want to drink more coffee. I want to be in more bands. I want to make money through music. I want accolades, I want people to be moved by my art. What can I do? When? Why? I need to brush up my solo work. I need to write more music!

I suppose, I’m evolving.