Anytime I pass a stranger, that’s what I say. It just comes out, I have no control over it. “How’s it going?”

Somehow, in this country, it seems it’s the only country where it’s rhetorical, it has a different meaning. A nod, a smile, a wave, or “hi” are all acceptable responses to “how’s it going?” Why?

Why the fuck do I ask that? Why is it my default greeting? Why don’t people answer? And why is it normal for someone not to answer the damn question?

To tell you the truth, (a phrase I always hated), but to be honest, (another one) I don’t really care how you are. I don’t want to sit or stand or stop and listen to your day. Most people are mundane, boring and pathetic, just like me. I don’t care about your dog or your job or your new car or your husband or your camping trip. I do not care.

We are all living our own versions of heaven and hell and it all changes day to day because we’re all human. Yet, somehow we manage to forget that on a daily basis because no one looks each other in the eye anymore and puts forth the effort to be human. We don’t have to be anymore. We treat each other like dog shit and we always have. Yet this time and in this place it seems like that more than it ever has. We’re all living our own fresh hell or utopia and the only reason it’s a utopia sometimes is because we know it can never last and soon, perhaps tomorrow morning first thing I’ll pick up the phone and I’ll be back in hell, my own living hell.

We build it ourselves. We do it to ourselves. Then we walk around outside and stare at everyone and say, “they have no fucking clue, those bastards" and hell gets bigger. No one is ever living a worse hell than you. Because you’re a selfish prick and that’s also human. You walk out on cloud nine and everyone looks at you like you’re an asshole, because you are, because you’re human. We’re all human and don’t care about each other most days. Some do, the rare.

Sometimes, like myself, we say, “I used to care, then something happened and now I don’t care about anything.” Which is just an excuse for showing that you were ignorant. It’s selfish too. We were naive to think the world would ever be a better place because of it. But selfish even more! Because now you’ve realized once no one’s patted you on the back for being kind or caring, there’s no reason to go on. You selfish prick.

There will always be people who give you reasons to be nice, but more are going to shit on you, and those times are the ones that will always stick out and you’ll “define” yourself from them. Pathetic. What about all the good things that have happened to you? No, you forget those, and you will every time. You could be raised the perfect person, but the minute someone shits on you, you’ll forget it all and let that one person kill you with their words. You’ll think your hair is trash until you cut it, you’ll think your body is awful because of one person, you’ll think you’ve got it the worst, every time.

Why do we do this?

Because we’re human.

So go get a drink and shut up.