Writing breakdown

I wanted to spend the last bit of my night writing. Being productive here. I had some decent ideas today I wanted to get down. 

    But instead I spent it reading someone's mental breakdown online. They posted a hundred times in one sitting and destroyed their whole life quite literally. It's amazing. I saved it all and it'll be worth going through some day.  

    Do I get the last laugh? I don't know yet,. Will I even enjoy it if I do? Probably not. These two are sick. During the day I'm filled with hatred. But in reality, I feel sad. 

    But fuck it, they ruined my life and now they're getting it in return. Nothing to do with me.  

6. Fucking up

     Immediately following, my spirits were down so I decided to make up for it on the next ride. It was a shared ride. If anyone is hailing a Lyft from their phone, I have to get them, even with someone else in the car. It confused me. It still does.

     Sometimes, the second person you pick up, gets dropped off first, or the first person gets off where the second person gets picked up. Or both parties get dropped off in the same spot. Sometimes one party is a lady, and the second, is two guys. They ALL get dropped off different places. Sometimes, people ask you to make an unscheduled stop at a 7/11 for booze or cigarettes where there is no parking. You have to drive around or double park like an asshole watching for cops, keeping your head low so not to look at the faces of patrons and fellow drivers giving you the stink eye. Yea.

        This case, I picked up a woman, college age, and then less than half a mile away after I take off, 2 young men the opposite way. By the time we were all I the damn car and on our way, I popped 3 u-turns and pissed several people off. Now, trouble starts.

     Mind you, I'm still coming off my embarrassment Pike mistake. I'm on my game now. My first destination, South Station. Not too far. Fine. But in that part of the city there are gallons of raised medians and much traffic. At a red light, sirens, firetrucks and ambulances stopped traffic in the opposite direction. Everything was a dead stop. The entourage of flashing lights stopped RIGHT at South Station where I need to pop yet another u-turn and go. I heard voices. "This is fine, we'll get out here." I don't even know who the fuck is getting in or out or what. The two guys leave. Good riddance. I no longer needed to go through that shit show. I took off in another direction and after a few turns and catching my breath from the chaos of city traffic, I followed my GPS again. It's telling me to hop on the highway and my destination is less than half a mile away now.

     Then, it's not.

       I shouldn't be hopping on, but now I'm on. I've fucked up royally, again. Since I never arrived at my first original destination of South Station, my phone was still telling me to GO THERE. I was in a cluster fuck of outrageous proportions. For a second time today, in a row, I fucked up. I was on a 20 minute detour for this poor girl. Making matters worse, I hadn't prompted the app properly and it was all frozen, so in a panic I killed the whole thing and cancelled the ride. I had no idea where I was going. Absolutely no fucking clue.  I sucked it up once again. 

     "I'm really sorry." I explained. Sitting in traffic miles away from the next exit and destination from this poor woman's place. "Oh it's ok! Seriously, things happen." I told her about my last disaster of a ride and she understood and was very kind although I now had to drive her to her apartment without pay. She gave me hee address while offering to get out or hail another ride from her phone. I insisted I just take her for the inconvenience" the house. We just talked about the insanity of driving on the city and she was very kind. I dropped her off, she insisted I have a nice day and I drove home with my tail between my legs. 

     Fucking up twice in one day? In a ROW?!? And two major Fuck ups at that. Like, horrible review worthy. It was only mid-afternoon but I was done for the day. I cashed out the little I had made on the app, put on some music to drown my sorrows in, and slowly trekked back to my bed. 

5. Drive man Drive

   So I drove. I had to. Financially mostly, and emotionally. 

           Difficulties abound. I would pick up people when my insurance was up. my engine light came on occasionally. My phone god bless it, froze frequently. I was overdrafting my account to buy gas for the night and buying gas station pizza and coffee to keep me going through the night after a days work. Going back merely hours later to stay awake through the work day. 

             I held back Boston at first, then dove into it with all I had to make a go of it. Make some serious cash. It didn't happen as smoothly as I thought. 

       I picked a couple up from what appeared to be grocery shopping. my trunk was full of crap. My toolbox, bags of trash, clothes, and my guitar. You could fit things in there, but carefully. I opened it and they shut it right back down. "Sorry. You can put things in the front seat if you need to." They were carrying many bags of food. "No that's fine." They were polite, but I could feel their dissatisfaction. 

         My phone directed me towards the tunnels. The tunnels in Boston. Jesus. Boston itself is a madhouse of direction even if your GPS or phone IS working, let alone if it' not. In the tunnels, nothing works. Everyone's doing 25mph over the limit down there, you're flying blind, and the exits come up on you so fast you take your life into your hands, swerve, and hope for the best. 

      There are signs sure. But only feet away from where your quick decision-making skills need to be. They're also mounted on the ceiling panels of the tunnel. You miss them if you're not staring straight up and not on the accident you're about to have with a van or guard rail as you fly doing 60 down there. So really. No. There are no signs. 

          I had to get off at Albany street. It was an odd set of directions. All while the GPS guesses where you are with no signal. I got the first one right, which lead me to another tunnel. Out for a moment, then back in. More agonizing, it was the same exit for the Mass Pike. A hellish highway through the city everyone avoided. Swift sharp turns off exits and out into the light and BAM a fork where you have to decide. Albany street, or the Pike, both roads heading the same direction, curving off to the right.

    I panicked, and chose wrong. 

       We hopped on the pike. The GPS came back and rerouted to the next fastest route. It added 17 minutes to what was about to end. They needed to BE on Albany street. I was RIGHT THERE. I figured I would hop off quickly and turn around. Not so on the Pike. The next exit was 3 miles away, and the destination now 7 miles away. Anyone whose navigated a city knows every mile comes hard. To make matters worse, the new route took us through the Boston Garden and the Capital Building, the busiest part of the city.

        I made this sad realization and profusely apologized. Not much other than grumbling from the backseat. I told them I would do what I could to rectify the issue on my end. Once at their destination I realized they were not in fact home, but were hopping off to catch the train. Their journey was not over. I cancelled the ride after they left, and I collected no money. 

Tire guy

What a story. A black, interesting looking stone. Not rectangular, but curved a bit up top. "Gone fishing" across the front with an elaborate drawing of the water. His goofy face etched on the back. He shares a birthday with me. He was only in his 30's. So I asked my boss what his story was. 

        Turns out, he had enough, he lied down on Spit Brook rd in nashua, where I lived at the time. He went out, laid in the road and a tractor trailer ran him over. Wow, wasn't expecting that. What balls.

   What a fucking way to go. 

 

 

Crows

    Crows follow me today on top of trees, power lines and buildings making odd noises. Everywhere I go. Perhaps I'll die soon. 

    Bring it on. 

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The new

  I want a life where I can freely walk around on a Sunday and eat Chipotle and find myself in a pearl vision and I can say to a guy, "hey fuck you, I need a new pair of glasses." And he'll go, "actually, my name's Kevin, let's pick out some frames for your big fucking head." "Thanks Kev." "It's Kevin."

 

I feel bad. Making my Chipotle order. Black guy, "burrito?" He asks. "Burrito." I say. "Black or pinto beans?" I looked RIGHT into black guy's eyes and said "BLACK."

    Chipotle in Methuen is a wash. All new folks and no one has their shit down.except black guy. 

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Face

I took a photo of myself every day of 2015.

I've done the same for this year. Maybe someday I'll bother to post. Or keep telling myself, "No, you idiot." 

Target

No one goes into the men's bathroom at Target. Perhaps that's why this men's room in this Target is out of service. Out.of. Service.

      So here I sit, in the family room bathroom. Writing this. 

 Target is one of the only places where the bathrooms are not updated. The sinks are manual, the toilets are not automatic. The paper towel dispenser is not electric. But it's got a classic beauty to it. I tolerate it.

All the summer "colors" are on clearance now. What a bunch of shit. I don't think I've ever shopped in season.  

     They also don't carry film. I need film. Wal-Mart carries it.  

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Ragtime

If you have a record playing in your car, and you get out to hang out with someone, and you come back, and that record is still playing, you have not hung out with them long enough.

   You play a record in your car. You get out of your car to hang out with someone. You return, and the record is still playing.  

 You have not hung out with them long enough.

 

Which one's better? 

What?

   To make up for my lost post earlier today, I will post a lot of unnecessary things. Like this.

 

     I feel like half my vocabulary in conversation consists of the words, "What?" "What's the word for..." "Where was I" "There's a word for that..." "What did you say?" "I can't hear you." "What the fuck." "I think i'll try lamb dick today." and "you're so vein, I bet you think this song is..." 

      No, just kidding about the "What the fuck" bit.