Them: I hate you so much. Me:
Thanks mom.
Them
Me: It's not satisfying if you act like a dead body you know.
Them:
Hate 1
Them: I hate you so much.
Me: Thanks boss.
Picasso
They can't kick you out of the museum if they don't have legs.
SNAP
Take a picture, it'll last forever.... Or really until your computer crashes and you lose everything or you get another one and don't bother backing the old one up onto the new one because you're a lazy shit.
Grrrrrraatttee!
What I eat for breakfast - A bagel, maybe.
What you eat for breakfast - Frosted FLAKES. See, this is funny because it's referring to a person who never shows, known as a "flake." so I just made a joke about them eating a cereal with the "flake" in it which is the pun. Thanks
So sorry
Them: I do more before 8am then you do all DAY!
Me: I'm sorry.
Kill a child
Klondike bar in the shower is the only feasible way to eat it without using a whole roll of paper towels afterwards.
Hoover
If your dog comes at me, I will not be afraid to start up my vacuum cleaner. I swear to god I will.
I do
There is no "i" in "do".
Kit Kat
Fuck you I'm not breaking my kit kat it's small enough as it is and it's gonna be gone before i can even say this. Spend your own dollar.
AHT
That bullshit you buy at target is not art. Invest in art. People who can paint are angels.