I should really learn to schedule these out. I can do that! I can set these to future times and dates so they're spread. But I have this odd mentality where I'd rather get it all out in spurts, then recognizing I have a lot of material and knowing that can easily stretch over the course of a week. I'd rather get 5 posts out in a day and not post for the next 6 days, than spread it over the course of the week. You know?
I don't know. Not nuthin'. It is what it be ya know? I suppose my loneliness dictates. I'm not sure where this post is going. I'm trying not to continue the thought process of the last post as I'm writing it directly after it. I'm in the mood to bleed.
When I'm in a venerable and tied position such as now where I have nowhere to go and nothing I can do to hide, I write. This format is best as I can write freely and quickly, with my finger machines. type type type. Songs will come too. But I'll get discouraged if it's not original enough and they're all the same sometimes and I see this and get disgusted and disappointed and stop half way through. Sometimes I make myself even sadder by trying to write music. So bleeding on the page here helps more.
Sometimes I'll find escape by making up some crazy story. I'm becoming more disciplined at committing to writing one. Also committing to finishing. I'm no good at finishing anything I start. So I'm getting better. Rather, I'm getting better and ending it when i become discouraged or tired of it. Perhaps that's all it needs. Perhaps my stories and poems and tales and pros and verbal vomits are only supposed to be as long as I need them to be. But instead of half-assing them and never finishing, I learn how to properly end them as my need ends. Which I've gotten better at.
Same for music and my songs. I'll write throwaways and make deliberately messy and weird and off-color songs that are SO obviously THAT, that I can get away with it. It's obvious I'm not trying in certain songs, so I get away with NOT putting effort in. Which also bolsters the material I DO put a lot of effort into. It works out in my favor, or so I'm spinning it. I'm a politician what can I say. Buttering myself up. I'm not ashamed, shit. If it's what keeps me alive and waking up in the morning then so-be-it. Nobody else sure as hell ain't gonna do it.