I'm like a child. I always did start a bit late on things. I didn't start drinking until 23. I'm 26 now and I'm finally going out on my own. I have been for over a year now. Bid more and more just going on dates by myself. 

     As I write, I'm sitting in the back of a small theater, seating perhaps a hundred or so. I snuck booze in, like a child. But childlike doesn't describe it. Dangerous, rebellious,  young? The word is escaping me. But here I am all the way in the back, it's in my coat, in a thermos shaped like a lens. One of those yea. An ex a few back gave it to me. She'd roll over and SHIT if she knew this is what I was doing with it, which makes me smile. She hated that I drank at all. She'd never ever kiss me and refuse me and send me off if I drank.  Hell, once I had 2 beers and 5 hours went by, I ate, had gum,then went over. She could still tell. She had a nose. Literally too. Still does. She played me, three times. I was desperate the second two and perhaps the first.  I don't know. 

 .   I'm no longer desperate. I do want companionship, but I'm not desperate for it. Because I know ol the pattern all too well now. What they'd say when they see my situation. Lack of space, financial,  Endy I do with my spare time. My rebellious nature on occasion. Sli have nothing to offer in terms of security. I know the plays and the chronology. Until I change, that pattern won't. 

       This theater is filed with old people. Elderly and music students. Kids who couldn't hack Berkley. The old, the rejects, and me. Well, I'm worse. I didn't try. But why do what they feel like.  

      I must be the only one here from off campus. Everyone else is a music student/teacher. 

 .  Fuck, a bunch are sitting near me now. This will be hard. I'm still the only one in this back row though. I'm betting most of these guys are supposed to be here,have to be I mean. Not a bad assignment.  I'm here nexus I don't want to go back just yet. Fuck. 

      Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuckedy fuck fuck fuckery. 

    How. Will.i. bust.  Out. My. Thermos. Of.rum. 

thank god I took a healthy swig before I ran in here. I hippie they cut the lights. They have to. They have to. 

Over and out free people.