I'm stuck! This is therapy. Perhaps I need to work this out here vocally in order to get out of it. It's meta. Totally.
What I'm saying is, the last few of these are about not being motivated enough to DO it. So maybe I need to work through it here. Get me? I'm working through it yes, but in my head. What I mean by that is working, coming home and vegging out. Nothing too productive. Perhaps I'm recharging the batteries. I know in the last one I said I was confident it'll come back, but as time passes I can't help but freak out. I mean shit, this is useless. Writing about this psychosis. Waste of your time, not mine.
But maybe by WRITING IT OUT publicly here, it'll get me past the rut, the speed bump. The chain-link fence that I need to vault over. Get me? I have to write a bunch about it in order to get past it. Got it? Good.
I have no idea what else to write. I have no clever tag here. I don't know. I have bursts of creativity blow through my brain, but it's exhausting at the moment. So much wasted focus. I have a PROJECT TO FINISH dammit. I can't either. So much free time after work and during my weekends but shit if I can't finish the last 25% of it. I feel as though I'm close. But the time has past for the passionate bit. My brain has passed on to the next phase of what I want to be creative on and now it feels like intense, hard, unfulfilling work to finish! The book. The book the book the book! Book book book. Shiiiiitttt. Shit fucker. Fucker shit ass shit. FINISH DAMMIT.
The worst part, is eventually, I will. But it won't feel as good when it's released. I won't feel it's any good as I would've if I finished it two months ago. Like the record I should've released 4 months ago. FUCKING FINISH! A lot is money. The content is there, but it's a royal pain formatting this thing, and it's not very straightforward how to set up a template. I can send it off and get it proofed and formatted, but I need some cashola and nata to spend as I've just moved out, you dig? So that's my current excuse. Check after check, I could spend a little portion on it just to fucking get it out, but since I'm not passionate about it anymore, my brain forgets THIS is the #1 thing I should spend on before food or rent. THAT's what happens when I'm passionate. I'll forget all my bills etc to get something soul-fulfilling out.
Okay, I'm done for now. Ugh. So much damn work. It's beautiful out but I'm still in a rut.