i am closer now! this is getting interesting!

I am contemplating now what's more important or expensive etc. I suppose I know the answer though, so it's more a decision. Do I buy an RV or a gun? Obviously a gun is less expensive. i live in NH (technically) so buying one would be peanuts. Buy one, find a nice spot that won't ruin anybody's day and... Or buy an RV and fucking leave everything.

I'll have to get my ducks in a row either way. I have a lot of shit in storage units i gotta toss. Lots of loose ends. Thankfully it's all possessions i can toss in the end. It's not people i have to explain to. nobody i'm tied to at this point. friends, family, significant others, strangers i have to encounter in order to keep living is about the extent of it. That or a gun, a gun is easier. The more 151 i have, the more intrigued i am.

i suppose i should probably see the country before anything drastic happens. Self inflicted anyway. Preferably i'd die in a car fire (RV fire/engine fire but car fire sounds more poetic) on the way west, but luck was never on my side. Hope is, but not luck. I had had just enough to keep me going here and there, putting along like a dribble of gasoline when you've run bare bones dry, but no longer. Luck would be: hey i've run out, but outside a station. Or I ran out, and I have a can of gas in the trunk. or I ran out, and some asshole stops to give me theirs. Luck was never on my side.

Never was, still isn't. I don't want it. Fuck luck. i have my waning perseverance..