Things are bleak again. Big surprise. But they're right on the cusp. I despise bi-weekly pay. It really fucks things up. I didn't think it would, but it does. Because I don't have a second source of income to supplement the off week. I have to live like a saint for 2 months straight to catch up let alone start saving. I can't do it. I'd go out of my mind. I need a few things every week to stay sane.

I need to buy alcohol, (I know, I know, stop it) I need food, I need, gas, and a solid $50 extra a month to buy stupid shit to further my personal soul-goals. Like investing in my books that'll be out soon and music and other art related projects. Gear. Not a lot, but you know. I want a few things I got rid of. i want speakers I can play music through. I have zero speakers right now. i don't even have a working pair of headphones. I have earbuds which are not going to last much longer. Do you know the feeling? I don't think you do. You must not.

I might have to sell my amp again for the second time to make rent. Either that or overdraft for the 3rd time in a month.

I also feel like there's nothing I can do well or at all right now except write. I'm no good and have no ambitions and feel pretty dead inside and have no drive other than to write. Even then as well. A lot of the time it's no good. I know it will pass. But I'm so aware of it it's painful. I'm waiting. I feel like I haven't gotten anything done or care to. I'm so tired. Let me sleep.