It's all trash

I've changed this past year. My level and ability to completely empathize has waned incredibly I think. There's a numbness to life sometimes. It's odd. I don't express myself as well as I'd hope to most days. It's an odd thing to describe.

Because on the other hand, I could hear the slight swell of a string section, and it can bring me to tears. The sound of a soothing voice saying something kind. Music. Music has made me cry more these past 12 months than ever. It never used to be like this. So I guess I hold it in? Then it all comes out. I guess. It's weird. 

        I'm not on any medication. I know that happens sometimes. Which is what scares me about medication. It can lower your IQ in mass quantities, meaning over prolonged periods of time that is. It can kill those parts of your brain as well, empathy, generally emoting when you do. At least I'm self aware though, that's a good thing. 

       The other saving grace as well that keeps me from believing I'm not totally broken, is my art. It's not so much emoting out loud or with my body, but I can properly emote on paper, writing songs, stories, these posts, and in playing music out. Writing songs is immensely therapeutic, but also detrimental and insane feeling when even that sometimes isn't working out. Sometimes I write the perfect song, sometimes I try, and it's all trash that comes out, or so I feel. 

             Trick question, it's all trash.