I don’t claim I’m providing anything useful here. I’m doing what everyone else is doing, trying to keep sane in whatever format that is. For me, it’s writing. I’m writing a hell of a lot, thinking up ideas and jotting them down and writing/recording demos and writing other things. Pros, short stories, these, other things. I’m making a bit of money writing, not much, but it’s a slow ramp that’ll take a few years to get to where I want to. Preferably, I’ll make enough to quit my damn job, but that’s not fathomable yet. Down the road, no deadlines, short ones, not long ones right now. I’m taking it day by day, and even then it’s tough.

The last thing I’m focused on is work, which isn’t necessarily a good thing. But it’s what happens, it’s how my brain works. Schoolwork and work work is eluding me. My brain was already in 10 different places and now that I’m home all the time it’s worse than ever. I’m trying to focus, I can’t. It’s impossible. To make matters worse there’s a ton going on in my personal life. Just a lot all at once as with everyone else in the world, and it adds to the noise. I didn’t feel this way yesterday, but today it’s piling on, I feel the walls closing in. I don’t know where to start. I have no fucking clue. Because I can’t focus on one task and actually finish it, it compounds into a fucking disaster. I dug it all myself though, these half graves of mine.

I felt this was going to be a more productive post, but it turned into a pity party that makes me feel even more like my brain is being squeezed by a thousand tiny hands. I have to finish, something, anything. Preferably some fucking schoolwork. Why is it so hard? I don’t know, I’ll never know. I’ll die not knowing. Fuck it all.