Roulette

Where I live now, there’s a back door, leads back to a covered area of sorts.

We’ve got a septic, and I’m in the basement for my allocated cavern space, for now, so this is where I dwell at late hours of the night. Kind of depressing when I think about it, so I don’t think about it. Soon, or perhaps not soon enough, I’ll have another space, another loft close by, but until then, here I am.

I bring all this up because it’s late, sure, but because I haven’t been here enough lately either, and I’m drunk.

I play roulette now.

The basement door locks via switch on the interior. Despite being locked or unlocked, the inside handle spins. It turns as if it were locked or otherwise. After hours, when everyone has gone to bed, I go out, and relieve myself in the bushes. It’s peaceful, satisfying, like doing something I know I shouldn’t. But herein lies the issue. When it’s late, and I’ve had plenty, although not enough to drink, I go out and do business. I usually swing the door open, swing it closed behind me, take a few steps, do my thing, and re-enter.

The issue, is that some day, I will inevitably lock myself out. Hence, roulette. The door is tight, being an exterior door. So most times when i swing it shut behind me, it only half-closes, which is ideal, as it makes a great deal of noise. This also means I can kick it or nudge it open if I’m carrying something etc. But during these late night, or early morning hours, it’s detrimental to my health.

One day, I could go out to make myself a little lighter, and find myself stranded in the cold. A terrible fear I have certainly.

One day, I will make a copy, and hide a key, for when this day inevitably comes. But until that day, when i remind myself, I just may do it, in fact, I know I’ll do it.

Anywho, whoever you are, I hope you’re well. Cheers to another day woken up to.