I’ve evolved in a lot of ways. But in others? Not so much.

I went back to school last year. I never finished and I quickly realized I’m the same damn student I was seven years ago. I’m doing things last minute, I can’t focus, I get frustrated, I ask myself why the fuck I’m even bothering, but I’m doing it.

I work better under pressure. I have to finish at that point. They’re accelerated courses, if you can call it that. Eight week rolling courses, so while I should feel like I’m banging it out, getting it done quickly, it feels like a slog. Every. Single. Week. And after all these terms later, you’d think I’d get used to it, but my brain just doesn’t want to learn this way. I’ll read all the books, sit with all the professionals, listen and fill my head with the information, perform the repetitions necessary, but when you force me to read a specific textbook, write a specific thing in a specific format, my brain says “nope!” It’s always been that way, I just haven’t been forced to do it in so long I figured I’d be one of those, latent success stories, those who go back years later and do really well in school. Not a chance.

I’m done in October, thank christ. It’s been quite the stressful event hanging around for the last two years.