Dear Women

Women, if you are seeking love, do not settle. Do not settle for a man who treats you anything less than royalty. Find a man who remembers your eye color. Find a man who knows your shoe size and who can memorize every dress you've ever worn, who knows you're style.

    Find a man who knows you're favorite meal, alcoholic cocktail, hole-in-the-wall diner and favorite flavor of ice cream. So when he notices your day is going poorly, without needing a second thought or hint he will surprise you with  candlelit homemade dinner, your favorite much needed beverage to take the edge off, a delightful trip to that favorite waitress, ending the night with her favorite piece of cheesecake, pie or ice cream.

  Find a man who wants to carry you up the stairs. Find a man who opens doors, even automatic ones. Find a man who will learn to love the things you do when he knows nothing about the subject. Find a man who looks to surprise you every day and whose one true purpose in life is to see you smile, which in turn will make him smile. Find a man who plans around you. Find a man who cares not of waiting for you. Find a man who would fly, drive, ride, walk and crawl to the ends of the earth to meet you, to spend five minutes and drive back.

  they exist. Find a man who doesn't have money, (wait what??) but willing to spend their last $2 to their name on your favorite candy or ticket or ice tea or stuffed animal that they bought because it reminded him of you. Guys with money can have whoever they want and can drop you as they please. Guys with no money who want you have nothing and nothing to lose. They feel more. Seek those guys out. They want nothing more then you. True gentlemen and chivalry still exists. It does.

          Men who are left and hold on hope are hard to come by. Get them back. Men who can move on are not worth it. Contrary to what they may say, they are not seeking true partnership or love. The ones who can freely move on seek ownership and lust. They don't want you. They move on so easily because anyone can fulfill that need for them. They move on and on and on. A man who truly loves and holds on will actually hurt every day, but let you go at the same time. They will set you free and give you what you want. Albeit in pain, they care for you more than their desire for you and if that is what you truly want, they will leave you alone, hoping. The whole "if you truly love them, set them free" saying. But know they hurt so much.

        I am biased. I am a guy you see. But from as much of an objective place as I can be, know that those people exist and are out there. Men and women too. Do not settle for anything less. Don't settle for average. Travel the world, ride a pony, drive through a tree, sleep under the stars, get a dog, see an elephant, see the Pacific, see them, see you with them, see your future. Enjoy it.

  "True lovers always end up lonely, because they know how good it can be." - Dawes

Next week

Next week will be better. That's the mantra I live by these days. You have to. I have to. It's not literal. Well perhaps. But it's what I have to tell myself. Things ain't good right now and haven't been for a long time. Not much gets me up these days or through them. 

Next week will be better.   yep

personal hell

break into my car. it's open right now. 

      Steal it, if possible. Run it into a pole or several. Make sure I'm in the trunk. Or better yet, strapped to the roof. 

Come to where I am located and shoot me. Feed me poison.

       Shove my head into a microwave for 12 years until i'm dead. 

hook jumper cables up to my chest and flip that switch.

       Tell me she's found someone else. Tell me everyone's dead. Tell me I'm dead.

Shoot me full of bad chemicals (Kurt V.) and let me slip away. Feed me greaseballs until I croak. 

          Crash the plane down into my house. My biggest decision will be if I want to be in the jet or the house. 

4am

It isn't until you wake up alone at 4am via stress, that you realize you really wish you had someone to wake up next to. 

Must Must

I have done not good things tonight. Also I have bad thoughts in my head. Bad chemicals. I love that term, bad chemicals. Makes me sound cooler. More tolerable and enjoyable as a human. What are human? What happens after this? I must know. 

     premature conclusions: bad thoughts, bad habits, bad decisions, bad brain, bad life. Go to bed you have to get up I tell myself. Don't worry about it or them, but I can't. I can't. I care too much. It's in my blood. I hope it kills me. I would rather perish and expire than become more jaded than I am and alone and numb without care. I will murder myself. If life doesn't take it from me. 

   Take me you Fuck. Fucking take me I dare you. Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you. .